Lachlan’s Birth — Baby Boy Number Two
Writing this took me longer than I thought it would, it brought on a lot of emotions. Birth baggage is a real thing, and I was carrying it. As I was writing this I felt emotional, I felt uncomfortable, I felt anxiety and even a bit of pain. But I am so glad I wrote it all down while it fresh in my mind & in my heart.
Lachlan, my sweet baby my heart had desired for so long. My second baby boy, who filled new places of my heart and soul I didn’t know existed. He was a baby that I had longed for, for quite some time. I always wanted my children close in age, no matter how crazy that sounded. When my first son Lucas was 1.5, we started trying for our second baby however I did not get pregnant until Lucas was 3 (almost on the dot). I don’t blame this on lack of trying (sorry mom), but I do think breastfeeding played a huge roll in it. I only got pregnant after I quit breastfeeding officially. Finally after my husband and I decided to give up and wait it out, one morning I took a test out of habit. I slammed it down in frustration at another negative test. Beside me Joe was brushing his teeth, I picked up my toothbrush and started brushing. I happened to look down at the test and I caught a glimpse of a second line, I nearly chocked on my toothbrush. I picked it up and started freaking out asking if Joe could see it. He could not at first, but then finally noticed a faint little line. Wow, after all that finally here is this baby we wanted for so long! I literally ran out the door to shoppers to grab a digital dating test, here goes another $30 on pregnancy tests. I got home and tested and it read 3-4 weeks. So there we are, pregnant and on a whole new journey…
My birth plan was simple, I wanted to give birth like a barn cat. I wasn’t about to climb on a table with bright lights and have people stick their hands in my vagina to tell me when my baby was coming. I didn’t want 10 people crowded around me, or bossing me about which position I should be in. I wanted to birth in my bed, at my home, in my comfort zone. I had this idea and this beautiful plan that I would have a sensational home birth. I read every book and I listened to every podcast, to say I was excited to birth was a understatement. It was all I could think about, especially after a traumatic birth with my first son. My vision was a low lit room, no medication, surrounded by my toddler, my husband, and my mother (and of course my midwife close by). It was a beautiful vision, I thought if it often.
At about 38 weeks I started to feel contractions, pretty strong and it gave me the urge to poop (which I remembered from my first). The contractions rippled up and down my back, and were intense. I was laying on my moms couch moaning, thinking any day now! I called my midwife after 5-6 hours of contractions and once they were very close together. They thanked me for the warning and said to keep them updated. I lived far from my midwives so they wanted ample warning for my labour, so they could make it to my home. Contractions stopped once I went to bed.
A few weeks later they started again, and got very intense to the point of tears. I was in the shower rocking back and forth with the waves of my contractions. Eventually at 4 minutes apart I called again to my midwife and let them know. They thought this was it! We left the conversation saying “talk soon!” But contractions stopped once I headed to bed.
This happened 4 times in total, once my midwife even came and set up & fully believed I was going to have a baby within 6-8 hours! She checked me and I was dilated and my cervix was getting ready! How exciting, but little did we know I was just going to stall again. After multiple accounts of this labour starting and stopping I was growing more and more exhausted. The last time is happened was Sept 18th and the contractions went on until the 20th around 5am and then they stopped. At this point I had had two sweeps, and a few cervixs checks — all which at first I wanted no part of. I wanted no invasive interventions, but I was in pain and so exhausted.
I was 41 weeks and 5 days (almost two weeks over due) and we decided my body was not progressing and it was time for induction. So on Sunday my husband and I woke up, packed a bag not knowing if we would be coming home to give birth or what. We grabbed some snacks, and stopped for tacos on the way to the hospital. The hope was that they would induce me and send me home, so we were excited that we could still have a home birth that we planned. Of course we went prepared with clothing and a little bag packed just in case.
We arrived at the hospital at 11:30ish in September 20th, contractions about 30 minutes apart and not too strong. After some checks on me and baby, we decided breaking my water was the best bet for a more natural induction. At 12:30 they broke my water — and much to everyone’s surprise (besides mine) nothing happened. Contractions stayed about 30 minutes apart, intensity didn’t change too much. I was able to nap in between them, which was useful because I was exhausted. Not much was happening, until my mom called at 4:30 on the dot. She spoke to my husband for a few minutes as I was asleep and suddenly I woke up and EVERYTHING was intense. Everything was like fire in my abs. Suddenly contractions were here, they were strong, and they went from 30 minutes to 3 minutes apart. It felt like I just was not getting a break.
I guess I had grown use to the 30 minute contractions and the nice break I was getting in between because I was miserable now. These contractions would not give me a moment to breath. I tried so many positions, I went from in the shower to out, and squatting over the bed to laying down, and then back into the shower leaning over a ball on my hands and knees screaming at my husband to push harder on my back. Contractions to me aren’t the part that’s most painful, it’s the intense back pain (which is related to them of course). My midwife offered sterile water injections, and y’all need to try it if you haven’t. My back pain went away almost instantly. It burnt a bit when they injected it, and that made me stop thinking about the contractions — and then my body felt silence for a moment. I could breath. Of course I could still feel pain, and at about 5:30ish I was begging for medication to help me.
At this point I was feeling this urge to push, but I was not fully dilated yet I still had about two centimetres to go. This is the WORST part for me, and happened with my first labour as well. My body starts pushing and I literally just cannot fight it, I’m pushing even if I shouldn’t be (not dilated enough). About 4 hours ish of this went on, fighting my body until finally my midwife was able to help me dilated the last bit of my cervix and I could finally push. I didn’t expect that to happen so fast, all the sudden she said “ok push” and then she said his head is right here. But I didn’t really feel it, I could only feel the contractions. By this time it had been hours since I had had any medication, so I was solo besides some gas (which if you’ve tried you’ll know it really doesn’t do much lol). In retrospect I feel kinda like a bad ass saying that I did it with essentially no drugs, I got that at least. I didn’t have my perfect birth but hey I did it without a epidural this time. ANYWAYS — ok so it’s time to push. It felt so amazing to finally be able to push, I was absolutely exhausted though. My midwife called my husband over from holding my hand to where she was to catch the baby as he did our last baby. I got his head out and I recognized pain but never this “ring of fire” I was constantly told about and so scared for. I just felt pressure and I did feel a tear happening and mentioned it while pushing but nothing absolutely unmanageable. His head was out and I think my midwife instantly knew something was wrong, I was pushing but no baby was coming. She pushed my husband aside and all the sudden everything became a HUGE rush and very urgent. She and the nurses flipped me onto my hands and knees while babies head hung out of me (traumatizing for myself if I’m being honest). I pushed hands and knees, but no baby. I can’t speak to what baby was doing, what he looked like, or anything like that but I’m assuming he was giving signs of major distress — and I know they had lost his heartbeat and couldn’t find it. They flipped me back onto my back, and then urged me to push again while two nurses on both sides pushed hard on my tummy. That was more painful than my contractions. My midwife is yelling for OB, nurses are running in and out and I was fading. I felt so weak I could barely see or hear what was happening. I was talking to myself in my head, very disorientated.
Paging and calling OB was not coming fast enough, suddenly I felt huge pressure and I know something was inside me. My midwife promptly had put her hand inside me to adjust babies stuck shoulder. This is a feeling I struggle to describe, because I should feel each time she moved her hand and how she moved the baby. She managed to get baby unstuck and told me to now push as hard as I can. But I couldn’t, I said I couldn’t and I was crying in pain exhausted, and scared. Everyone told me I needed to and within seconds I took a deep breath and gave three good pushed everything I had and I felt this huge plop on my chest. My baby was here.
8:09 He was here and I felt instantly better, my vision felt like I could see again for just a moment, like things were not blurry. I had this instant instinct to shake him, he was not crying or moving… I had only heard one little wimper, but did not feel any movement not even any breathing. The nurses were shaking and rolling him around on me. This was probably a minute long, and then all the sudden the cord was cut and he was ripped from me and the nurse ran to the other side of the room and my husband followed (I’m going to be writing about what it’s like giving birth during a pandemic, and only being allowed one support person and how fucked that is (sorry for my French lol)). I remember feeling kinda fuzzy at this point, everything got kinda dark, my vision was not accurate. I felt overwhelmed with emotions and pain, I reached for the gas and sucked it in. I had no one holding me.. NO ONE was comforting me. My midwife was trying to deal with me, who was gushing blood so badly it sprayed all over her and up her neck (sorry TMI but your reading a birth story). She did at one point lean over me and say “it’s going to be ok” and I remember saying “don’t lie to me”. I knew something was wrong. My baby was across the room and I had not heard one single noise from him. More nurses were flooding in, yelling for PEDS. I was not ok mentally and I needed someone hugging me and holding me tight to be honest. I would never have asked my husband to stay behind with me, he went with our baby across the room and I love that he was there for our son.
When I poked my head up while my midwife was tending to my tears I saw my husband looking like he was or he was about to cry. I still didn’t know what was going on, and I don’t think I would have understood I was so distressed and out of it. I did know that I wasn’t feeling ok and I asked as I laid my head back down and closed my eyes for “more drugs please” and a nurse gave me my second fentanyl dose. After a few minutes I was calmer and able to look around. Baby started to cry and I could see his hands waving and my husband taking a selfie with him. They were all talking about how long and big he was, but of course I wouldn’t really know because I hadn’t even seen his face yet. I said to them “how big?!” And they said they hadn’t weighed him yet, so I asked them to! My husband was shocked as he was taking photos, and the nurse said “oh my, NINE pounds TWO ounces” and I remember thinking what the hell, that’s wrong. No way. No way I gave birth to a 9lb baby…. I’m to small. I think I might have asked for a re-weigh haha. It took awhile but eventually they brought him over to me, but I still wasn’t really myself enough to hold him. He laid on my chest a few minutes but my husband had to take him so I could get it together. I would say a half an hour later I was ready, I propped myself up enough to hold him and try to feed him. At first he latched great and suckled the colostrum. I did struggle later in the night with getting him to latch but we eventually got it.
So what had happened? Hours later my husband was able to walk me through it all again. The PEDS DR had gave me the run down but this was during the time when I was still adjusting and getting myself gathered. I experienced shoulder disocia while giving birth, and baby was born distressed and was not breathing. They had to hook him up to a machine to breath for a few minutes until finally he was able to do it himself. Luckily once he got it going he was great at it! Because of these complications every 3 hours nurses came in to take his blood sugar, temp, and oxygen levels. Each test coming back better than the next, he was totally healthy now!
He laid with my most if the night, I was unable to sleep so I propped the iPad up, opened a container of pasta from my wonderful in-laws and mowed down while he snuggles me skin to skin. I started up until maybe 1 or 2 and then managed to get him into the basinet to sleep where he slept for three hours. When he woke I fed him, and the nurses came to check his vitals, and then we snuggled and we fell asleep while in my arms. This didn’t last long because the sun came up and blasted us with beautiful sun, and the blinds suck. I was ok to be awake though, I just felt thankful to be holding my baby. I called my parents to chat (I had called them a hour and half after he was born), and tell my mom how much I wished I had her and what a hard time I had had. I was in a lot of pain from the stitches and tears, it felt as though I could barely move. This was much worse than my first son. At about 18-19 hours old we got to go home from the hospital. We got A&W on the way home, and the burger tasted like heaven.
That’s it. That is Lachlan’s birth story! A wild ride. My sweet little 9.2lb baby, who came in late and on his own time but filled a new place in my heart. We are so in love with him.
Thanks for reading,